The Seasons of Marriage

***As seen on I Do Part Two

𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗮𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗰𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻𝘀? We moms often talk about the seasons of motherhood. This isn’t just to be cute, there really are defined seasons, or stages, that we flow through and grow through. I truly feel that there is a similar rhythm to marriage. 𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙜𝙡𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝙜𝙞𝙛𝙩𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙣 𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙝 𝙨𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙤𝙣. 

𝗪𝗲 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗰𝗲𝗹𝗲𝗯𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝟮𝟵𝘁𝗵 𝘄𝗲𝗱𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝗿𝘆! That’s a number of years that I always thought of when thinking of my parents’ marriage. And the experiences and emotions these years have brought are far more diverse, challenging and fulfilling than I could have imagined at the start of this journey together. 

𝗜𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗵. And exciting and intense. Much like with Spring and the first season of motherhood, there is so much we have yet to learn, but we’re not really thinking about that because we are so caught up in what we are experiencing and feeling right NOW. Sometimes it might feel like a lot, or we may argue, but because there is not yet much in the way of “baggage,” these bumps are more easily smoothed over. 

𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗯𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗱𝗱𝗲𝗱, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗳𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗮 𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝘆, 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗲𝘃𝗼𝗹𝘃𝗲𝘀. There is powerful new love born from this sacred gift of creating life together. It brings a beautiful new dimension to the love that had just been filled with the two of us. But also, new demands (especially on us moms) and feelings we may not have expected make their way into our lives. 

We have to work a little harder to truly see and support each other’s needs. And like many moms I know, I found myself very wrapped up in my new baby and young children. Between the lack of sleep and the feeling needed all the time, we often have little left to give to our husbands. So love may be stronger, or have more depth to it in this season, but love is also challenged in this season. 

𝗔𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝘂𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄, 𝘄𝗲 𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗿𝗴𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗲𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗴𝗲. This shift seems less dramatic than the previous two. We may find ourselves drawn into our kids’ various activities and sports, discover our love of volunteering in the schools, or even return to or get more involved in our work outside the home. Unintentionally, life can get busier and time for just the two of us can take a back seat. Our marriage has to expand and grow with us, and we need to intentionally carve out time for us, the couple, while still nurturing our family. Some achieve this balance more easily than others. 𝙄𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙨𝙣’𝙩 𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙮 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙚 – 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙞𝙣 𝙖 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙪𝙖𝙡 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙝 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙬𝙤. 

𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗹𝘆 𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗱 “𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘁𝘆 𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘁” 𝘀𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻, one that applies to marriage as well as to the family. This season comes in with a bang, even if we have been thinking about and preparing for a while. We aren’t really back to being just a couple, because while our kids are in college, and during the years just after, they are still often living at home at least part of the time. But what an opportunity to take stock of our marriage, of our husband! I see potential for a fresh infusion of love and open communication about how we can help each other thrive both as individuals and in our marriage. 

𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆’𝗹𝗹 𝘂𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗹 𝘄𝗲 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲. I’d imagine there’s a distinct season that starts when our kids fully leave home and start their own lives, and families. And perhaps another season much later in life. 

𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗻𝗼𝘄, 𝗜’𝗺 𝗶𝗻𝘃𝗶𝗴𝗼𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝘀𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗴𝗲. Treasuring the precious family we’ve been blessed with, rediscovering some of the things we most love about each other AND discovering NEW things to love about each other and ways to grow and embrace this life together.

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