♡ Today’s Moment ♡

Being a Wife in the Moment

August 3, 2021

Marriage is not easy, my friends. And we hear this a lot. We’re told that marriage takes work. But do we really hear that message? We may know that marriage isn’t a fairytale, but are we really prepared for the effort required to make marriage successful and fulfilling for the long haul? 

Our 30th wedding anniversary is today and I’ve been reflecting on our marriage, and marriage in general. Somewhere along the way I went from being a Wife in the Moment to being a Mom in the Moment, and while in theory I should have found a way to be both perfectly, in practice that wasn’t so easy. 

Even if we think we know what to expect from marriage going into it, there are just some things we can’t be fully prepared for. We may be used to working through the obvious issues, but it’s hard to be prepared for the way having children can impact our relationship. Yes, becoming parents enhances our relationship in so many ways – but it will also most likely add some strain to it. 

In the early years, we moms face constant demands on our time, endure exhaustion from sleep deprivation and feeling needed all the time. This often leaves us feeling touched-out and craving time to just crash on the couch. We may feel like we don’t have much left of us for our husbands, and not only does this cause our husbands to feel distanced, it often leaves us feeling guilty. 

Before I became a mom, I was really good at being a Wife in the Moment. 

Back when we were a couple, and before we became a family, everything was about us. Plenty of couple time, time spent with friends, time to exercise together, time for trips together. We invested so much beautiful time in each other.

Of course, I’m well aware of the guidance that reminds us that a happy family is dependent upon a happy marriage. And that the marriage relationship should always be paramount. I’m just going to be honest here, and I think many moms will relate….sometimes this is easier in theory than in practice. 

Even after we became parents, the change wasn’t immediate. It happened gradually. We slowly lost some of “us” along the way. Little things added up, and less time devoted to each other exacerbated other issues that would have otherwise been tended to and worked out. Spoiler: we have found our way again and worked out these issues. Where there is love, there is hope.

It sounds obvious, but the first step forward in hope is to be mindful of investing consistent time in the “us” relationship. Date nights are great, but simple time together is recharging, too. It can vary by the week, as long as there is conscious connection. A walk, coffee or iced tea on the patio and eating dinner separately from the kids are all easy ways to create connection.   

While time is an essential building block of a strong relationship, another important factor in strengthening our love and relationship is good communication. Being tuned in to how we are feeling and then being completely open and sensitive in how we share that. Sometimes there’s accumulated resentment over past disagreements or negative patterns that make it harder for us to communicate from a place of love. When this happens, there is no shame in seeking help. I can attest to the healing power of couple’s therapy. Having a neutral person listen and guide us back to healthy communication, and facilitate us sharing and working through our feelings and needs, was less complicated than it sounds. And it was transformative for our relationship. 

As couples, we should never stop working on our relationship. Life will throw us curveballs, but it’s up to us how we choose to deal with them.   

Love changes over time. We may know that with our minds, but feeling it with our hearts is a whole different thing. What begins as butterflies and dreamy love transforms into deeper, through-the-ugly, intentional love. We took vows on our wedding day and we must choose to keep those vows. We must consciously choose to love each other each and every day…and strive to be both a Wife in the Moment and a Mom in the Moment.


Welcome

Welcome, Friends! I’m Sydnei, a mom who’s here to support you on your parenting – and personal – journey. Many years ago when I was a new mom and feeling unsure, I was so grateful to find encouragement and advice from other moms on an internet parenting site. It’s my hope that I can pay it forward and do the same for other moms. Check out the topics that matter to you, and please share your questions and comments. Mom in the Moment Instagram, Facebook and Twitter pages (links below) will highlight upcoming topics and you can let me know what you’d like to see covered. I’m here to help in any way I can, so feel free to contact me directly on Insta, Facebook, Twitter or via the form below.

 

 

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About

Sydnei

Hi! I’m Sydnei and my greatest calling in life is being a mom. It’s part of my soul and I know this because nothing else has ignited so much love and purpose and joy and growth in me. I have ALWAYS loved kids. Even though I got my MBA and pursued a marketing career for almost a decade, something happened while I was pregnant with my first child…I became filled with a sense of awe and love and meaning. It was kind of like an awakening. I just knew that being a mom was a huge part of the reason I was put here. I channel that energy to other little ones, too, in my work as a preschool substitute.


David

David is my husband and we have been married since August 1991. We met at our first job out of college and the journey began. During my pregnancy with Ben, David decided to leave his job at the Coca-Cola Company and start his own business. This brave and brilliant decision allowed him to work from home and also allowed us to move back to the Chicago area (near all our family). Working from home has meant that he has been able to share in even more of our kids’ lives. Since then his school foodservice marketing business has grown tremendously and Alliance K12 Nutrition Innovations helps shape and launch breakthrough new products and build best in class K-12 businesses.


My daughter Mia was born in 1998 and is our firstborn. It was during her infancy, while I was looking for advice and assurance on the many issues first-time moms worry about, that I realized the importance of support from other moms who “had been there”. Mia graduated from Deerfield High School in May, 2016 and took a gap year before starting at DePaul University in the fall of 2017. Mia has a passion for working with children ~ she graduated with her BS in Early Childhood Education in June of 2021 ~ and she is now working at GEMS World Academy. Mia was an all-star cheerleader for 6 years, and she also enjoys dance, gymnastics and photography. For those of you who are familiar with Lush Cosmetics, Mia loves bath bombs and is a huge Lushie!

Mia


Ben entered our lives exactly 2 years and 9 months after Mia. He was mellow and sweet from the start., but in spite of that, most everything was easier the second time around. Ben likes video games, creating his own short graphic novels, playing chess and is dedicated about working out. He discovered the world of stage crew/tech theater in high school – and really has a talent for it! Lighting Design is his specialty. Ben is also a natural “counselor” to his friends – his caring nature, ability to truly listen and insightfulness make him easy to talk to, and may be why he is considering becoming a therapist. Ben began studying at Saint Louis University in the Fall of 2019.

 

Ben

 

 

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portrait picture of the author Sydnei Kaplan
portrait picture of the author Sydnei Kaplan